A knight and his men returned to their castle after a long hard day of fighting.
"How are we faring?" asks the king.
"Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west."
"What?!?" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!"
"Oh," says the knight. "Well, you do now."
In Washington, D.C., the application form for federal employment includes this question: "Why did you leave your previous employment?"
One applicant, a former U.S. Congressman, responded: "The express wish of 116,000 voters."
My nursing colleague was preparing an intravenous line for a 15-year-old male patient. The bedside phone rang, and the boy's mother reached over to pick it up.
After talking for a few minutes, the mother held the phone aside and said, "Your father wants to know if you have any cute nurses."
The boy gazed at the nurse, who had the needle poised above his arm, ready for insertion.
"Tell him," he replied, "they're absolutely gorgeous."
One day on the way home from church a little girl turned to her mother and said, "Mommy, the preacher's sermon this morning confused me."
The mother said, "Oh! Why is that?
The girl replied, "Well, he said that God is bigger than we are. Is that true?"
"Yes, that's true," the mother replied.
"He also said that God lives within us. Is that true too?"
Again the mother replied, "Yes."
"Well," said the girl. "If God is bigger than us and he lives in us, wouldn't He show through?"