A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'?"
He replied, "No, a whole series of fairy tales begins with 'If elected I promise...'"
New Number Request
Mom was getting swamped with calls from strangers. The reason? A medical billing service had launched an 800 number that was identical to hers.
When she called to complain, she was told to get a new number.
"I've had mine for twenty years," she pleaded. "Couldn't you change yours?"
The company refused.
So Mom said, "Fine. From now on, I'm going to tell everyone who calls that the bill is paid in full."
The company got a new number the next day.
“The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.”
Doctor's Party Advice
Judi strolled up to a guest at the party. She had heard him addressed as doctor and now she said coyly, "Doctor, may I ask a question?"
"Certainly," he said.
"Lately," said Judi, "I have been having a funny pain right here under the heart . . ."
The guest interrupted uncomfortably and said, "I'm terribly sorry, Judi, but I'm a doctor of philosophy."
"Oooh," she said, "I'm sorry!"
She turned away, but then overcome with curiosity, she turned back. "Just one more question, doctor. Tell me, what kind of disease is 'philosophy'?"