My son, a high school senior, went to take a national literacy test recently. A sign on the classroom door read "Literacy Testing in Progress: Do Not Distrub!"
When the icemaker in our new refrigerator broke, my husband dropped by the store to arrange for repairs. Because the sun was bright, my husband's eyes hadn't adjusted to the dim light inside in time to see a woman sitting on the floor examining carpet samples.
He stepped on her leg and she screamed, causing him to jump into a display of fireplace tools that went crashing in every direction. Unnerved, my husband stumbled over to the service desk, and as he went to rest his hands on the counter, he flipped over a bowl full of little mints, scattering them everywhere.
After taking a deep breath to calm himself, he announced to the wide-eyed woman working there, "My refrigerator doesn't work."
"I don't doubt it," she replied.
Irving goes into a restaurant and orders potato latkes. When they come, he complains that they do not look good and he changes his order to blintzes. After he eats the blintzes, he stands up and starts to leave the restaurant.
"Wait a second," the manager shouts after him. "You have not paid for your blintzes."
"What are you talking about?" Irving says. "Those blintzes were an even exchange. I gave you the potato latkes for them."
"Yes," says the manager, "but you did not pay for the latkes either."
"Why should I pay for them?" asks Irving. "I didn't eat them."
An American history teacher, lecturing the class on the Puritans, asked: "What sort of people were punished in the stocks?"
To which a small voice from the back of the room responded:
"The small investor."