When God made me
Little Johnny: "Daddy, did God make you before he made me?"
Father: "Yes son, He did."
Little Johnny: "I guess He's doing better work now."
Little Johnny asked his mother, "Did you know that Job spoke when he was just a newborn baby?"
"How do you know that?"
He replied, "The Bible says 'Job cursed the day he was born.'"
I'm dyslexic, and attended a conference about the disorder with a friend. The speakers asked us to share a personal experience with the group. I told them stress aggravates my condition, in which I reverse words and letters when I'm tense.
When I finished speaking, my friend leaned over and whispered to me, "Now I know why you named your daughter Hannah."
Examples of real-life mistakes on resumes:
"Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting."
"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
"Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."
"I am a rabid typist."