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Changing clothes

There's an old sea story about a ship's captain who inspected his sailors, and afterward told the first mate that his men smelled bad.

The captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors would change underwear occasionally.

The first mate responded, "Aye, aye sir, I'll see to it immediately!"

The first mate went straight to the sailors berth deck and announced, "The captain thinks you guys smell bad and wants you to change your underwear."

He continued, "Pittman, you change with Jones. McCarthy, you change with Witkowski. And Brown, you change with Schultz."

First time parent

No one is more cautious than a first-time parent. After our daughter was big enough to ride on the back of my bicycle, I bought a special carrier with a seat belt and got her a little helmet.

The day of the first ride I put her in the seat, double- checked all the equipment, wheeled the bike to the end of the driveway, carefully looked both ways and, swinging my leg up over the crossbar, accidentally kicked her right in the chin.

Try Harder

My wife doesn't complain often, but once she was having a old-fashioned "heart-to-heart" with me and said, "Hon, you never listen to me. Every time I try to talk to you, you get this far-away look in your eyes after only a few seconds.

Please promise me you'll try to work on that."

The last thing I remember was replying, "I'm sorry, what was that you were saying?"