Dark and Stormy Ride
A hitchhiker was on the side of the road trying to catch a lift on a very dark night and in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly he saw a car coming toward him and stop.
Without thinking about it, the guy got into the back seat, closed the door and then realized there was nobody behind the wheel! The car starts slowly; the guy looks at the road and sees a curve coming his way. Scared, he starts to pray begging for his life.
He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand appears through the window and moves the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appears every time right before a curve.
Gathering his strength, the guy jumps out of the car and runs to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he goes to a restaurant and starts telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through.
A silence enveloped everybody when they realize the guy was serious.
About half an hour later, two guys walked in the same restaurant. They looked around for a table when one said to the other,
"Look John, that's the funny guy who got in the car when we were pushing it."
When my youngest son was three years old, one of his finches died. It was winter so we couldn't bury the bird, so I flushed it down the toilet. I didn't realize that he had seen me do this until I heard him crying behind me. Trying to make him feel better, I told him that his bird was with God now.
He stopped crying, looked at me a bit bewildered, and asked, "God is in the toilet?"
“My doctor asked me if I'd thought about losing some weight and I told him I'd thought about it for 20 years.”