The chairman of the board of our company called me into his office to tell me the good news. I was being promoted to Vice President of Corporate Research and Planning.
Of course, I was excited, but that didn't stop me from asking for my new title to be changed to Vice President of Corporate Planning and Research.
"Why?" asked the chairman.
"Because," I said, "our organization uses abbreviated job titles, and I don't want be known as VP of CRAP."
A little three-year-old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up.
The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a book. But about every 10 seconds or so he puts the book down, grips onto the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of the head with his right hand.
His mother says, "Billy, are you all right? You've been in there for a while."
Billy says, "I'm fine, Mommy. I just haven't gone doody yet."
Mother says, "Okay, you can stay in there a few more minutes, but Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?"
Billy says, "Works for ketchup!"
Guess how many
Farmer (showing a friend over the farm)--"How many sheep would you guess were in that flock?"
Friend: "About five hundred."
Farmer: "Absolutely correct! How did you guess it?"
Friend: "I counted the legs and divided the number by four."