A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!"
Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. Finding nothing, the man said, "There's nothing in here about fifty people being swindled."
The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out, "Read all about it. Fifty-one people swindled!"
A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport.
"These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained.
"These fairways seem to be getting longer too," wheezed a second.
"And somehow, the sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember 'em too," said the third.
Hearing just about enough from his buddies, the oldest - and the wisest of the foursome at 87-years-old - piped up and said, "Oh my friends, just be thankful we're still on THIS side of the grass!"
A farmer who grew watermelons was doing pretty well, but some local kids would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons. The farmer came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field: "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."
That night the kids saw the sign and they ran off to plot revenge. Next morning there were no watermelons missing, but a new sign said: "Now there are two!"