Little Johnny and a friend were shouting at each other when Mother walked into the playroom. "You two need to quit arguing and learn to agree on things." she scolded.
"We do agree," said Little Johnny. "We both agree we want the box of crayons right now!"
We visited our newly married daughter, who was preparing her first Thanksgiving dinner. I noticed the turkey thawing in the kitchen sink with a dish drainer inverted over the bird.
I asked why a drainer covered the turkey.
Our daughter turned to my wife and said, "Mom, you always did it that way."
"Yes," my wife replied, "but you don't have a cat!"
Smash and grab
A jeweler standing behind the counter of his shop after hours was astounded to see a suspicious looking man in a black ski mask come hurling headfirst through the window.
"What on earth are you up to? What happened?!" he demanded.
"I'm terribly sorry," said the man, "I forgot to let go of the brick."