IRS man to minister: "We're checking the tax return of a member of your church. Mr. Smith lists a donation to your building fund of $5000. Is that correct?"
Minister: "I haven't got my records available, but I'll promise you one thing, if he hasn't, he will!"
Little boy to his friend: "I don't get it. My sister insists she has three brothers, but I'm in the same family and I only count two!"
After 20 years two college rivals bumped into each other. "Do you remember how I used to be so fat and flabby?' asked the first. "Well, I've been on an exercise program for a few years, and now I run marathons."
"That's great!" replied the other man.
"And," the first man continued, "Do you remember how I used to be shy and a poor student? Well, I took a course in public speaking, and now I make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year on the lecture circuit"
"That's great!" came the reply.
"Oh, and how about you?" the first man asked. "Have you changed at all?"
"Well, yes I have", replied the second man. "Remember how brutally honest I used to be, and how when someone said something uninteresting, I would reply, "I couldn't care less?" Well now I just say, "That's great!"