CartoonAm I Normal?

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.

“No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug."

"Do you want a room with or without a view?"

Lift

Moshe was at his golf club and went into the clubhouse to see whether anyone could offer him a lift to Manhattan. His own car was in the shop being serviced.

"Sure," said Irving, "I'll give you a lift. My Rolls Royce is just outside."

As they're driving along, Moshe says, "Irving, what's that thing on the dashboard making a soft humming sound all the time?"

"That's my digital clock."

A few minutes later, Moshe asks, "And what's that thing on the dashboard moving up and down?"

"That's my tachometer," says Irving.

Then a few minutes after that, Moshe starts to ask, "What's that...."

"Hold on a minute, Moshe," says Irving, "I can see you've never been in a Rolls Royce before."

"Yes I have, but I've never been in the front seat."

Wedding Tears

During my brother's wedding, my mother managed to keep from crying until she glanced at my grandparents.

My grandmother had reached over to my grandfather's wheelchair and gently touched his hand.

That was all it took to start my mother's tears flowing.

After the wedding, Mom went over to my grandmother and told her how that tender gesture triggered her outburst.

"Well, I'm sorry to ruin your moment," Grandmother replied,

"but I was just checking to see if he was still alive."