Absent Minded Professor
One of the world's greatest scientists was also recognized as the original absent-minded professor.
One day, on board a train, he was unable to find his ticket. The conductor said, "Take it easy. You'll find it."
When the conductor returned, the professor still couldn't find the ticket. The conductor, recognizing the famous scientist, said, "I'm sure you bought a ticket. Forget about it."
"You're very kind," the professor said, "but I must find it, otherwise I won't know where to get off."
A fellow took his girlfriend to the movies.
During the previews, she asked him if he would go and buy her some Smarties.
When he returned with her candy, she opened the bag, picked out all the brown ones and threw them away.
"What did you do that for?" he asked her.
"I'm allergic to chocolate!" she replied.
Hard to Pronounce
As a Dominican sister, I lived in a convent named for a deceased pope.
One day while I was wearing contemporary clothes instead of my habit, I drove into a gas station to get the communal car filled up.
After the young attendant topped off the tank, he walked toward my car window to return my credit card. It was clear from his furrowed brow that he had something on his mind.
The young man looked at me shyly and pointed to the convent's name, John XXIII Hall, imprinted on the card."Pardon me," he asked hesitantly, "but how do you pronounce your husband's middle name?"