110609Fire safety program

Sitting through fire safety and prevention programs can make anyone nod off. So the instructor tried to lighten the mood by going around the room asking where all the guests were from.

"Burnt Mattress, Arkansas," called out the friend sitting next to me.

"Burnt Mattress!" said the instructor, suppressing a laugh. "I've heard some unusual town names before, but never that one. Where's it located?"

My friend shot back, "Right above Hot Springs."

Quick fix

An mechanic received a repair order that said to check for a clanking noise when going around corners. He took the car out for a test drive and made a right turn, then a left turn, each time hearing a loud clunk.

Back at the shop, he returned the car to the service manager with this note:

"Removed bowling ball from trunk."

Shrinking problem

A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!"

The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down; I'll fit you in... You'll just have to be a little patient."