080409Change the Tense

As an English teacher, my cousin spent a lot of time marking grammatical errors on her students' written work. She wasn't sure how much impact she was having until one really busy day when she was sitting at her desk rubbing her temples.

A student asked, "What's the matter, Mrs. Van Tine"?

Describing her emotional state, she replied, "Tense."

After a slight pause, the student tried again. "What was the matter? What has been the matter? What might have been the matter"?

A Spill

I was waiting tables at a country club when an elegantly dressed woman spilled Manhattan clam chowder all over her white linen skirt. She began furiously dabbing at it with a napkin.

Having plenty of experience with getting out feed stains, I asked, "Can I bring you some club soda"?

"Young lady," she barked, "I'll be the judge of when I've had enough to drink. Bring me another martini!"

Why a dog can't use computers

He's distracted by cats chasing his mouse.

SIT and STAY were hard enough; CUT and PASTE are out of the question.

Saliva-coated data CD's refuse to work.

Three words: carpal paw syndrome.

He can't help attacking the screen when he hears "You've Got Mail."

The FETCH command isn't available on all platforms.

He can't stick his head out of Windows XP.