ImageTime for football

A man took his wife, who had no interest in football, to the opening game at the local university. The more dominant opponents battered the home team all over the field. At one point, the referee blew his whistle; the call was unnecessary roughness. "You mean to tell me," the woman said to her husband, "That all that roughness up until now has been NECESSARY?"

In The Garbage

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush.? He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."

Determined to Stay Awake

Tech support people like me spend our days on the phone with customers. Many like to chat while waiting for their computers to reboot. One man told me he'd been a long-haul truck driver. I'd love to drive a big rig," I said, "but I'd worry about falling asleep at the wheel." "Here's a tip to stay awake," he offered. "Put a $100 bill in your left hand and hold it out the window."