The world will need all of you
Noah was standing at the gangplank checking off the pairs of animals when he saw three camels trying to get on board.
"Wait a minute!" he said. "Two each is the limit. One of you will have to stay behind."
"It won't be me," said the first camel. "I'm the camel whose back is broken by the last straw."
"I'm the one people swallow while straining at a gnat," said the second.
"And I am the one that shall pass through the eye of a needle sooner than a rich man shall enter heaven." said the third.
"Well, I guess you had better all come in," said Noah, "the world is going to need all of you."
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"Officer," the man began. "I can explain."
"No explanation needed!" snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."
"But, officer, I have to tell you something," the man tried again.
"Just keep quiet! You're going to jail and I'm not interested in what you have to say!" the officer barked.
A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
On our first day of training for a charity parachute jump, the instructor made an important point.
"Start preparing for landing when you're at 300 feet."
One student asked, "How do you know when you're at 300 feet"?
"A good question. At 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."
She thought about this for a moment before saying, "What happens if there's no one there I know"?
Everyone had weighed in and our diet workshop leader began her lecture on the week's topic: "The Problems of Dining Out."
She talked about alternatives, such as requesting diet sodas and dressings and having meat broiled instead of fried.
Finally, she turned the question over to the group for discussion. "What is the greatest problem you encounter when going out to eat"?
Replied one woman quickly, "Running into you!"