CartoonThe Cut

One Sunday morning, a preacher cut his face while shaving, and he placed a band-aid on the cut. After a longer-than-usual sermon, he explained, "In case you are wondering what happened to my face, while shaving I was concentrating on my sermon and I cut my face." Afterwards, a woman said to him, "Next time, concentrate on your face and CUT THE SERMON."

The Worth of a Sermon

The minister selected a fifty-cent item at a convenience store, but discovered he didn't have any money with him. "I could invite you to hear me preach in return," he said jokingly to the owner, "but I'm afraid I don't have any fifty-cent sermons." "Perhaps," suggested the owner, "I could attend twice."

Day Dreaming

The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where he'd dreamed of working since a young boy. He was trying to impress the Master Chief with his expertise learned in SubSchool. The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, "Listen, 'sir', it's real simple. Add the number of times we dive to the number of times we surface. Divide that number by two. If the result doesn't come out even, don't open the hatch.