ImageSo, Tell Me

A very elderly gentleman, well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower on his lapel, smelling slightly of after-shave, presenting a well-looked-after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.

To his delight, seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady. The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her, and says, "So, tell me, do I come here often?"

Lumber Thief

"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. For years, I've been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where I work."

"How much did you take?"

"Enough to build my own house and my son's house. And houses for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake."

"This is very serious. I'll have to think of a far-reaching penance for you. Have you ever done a retreat?"

"No, Father, I haven't. But if you have the blueprints, I can get the lumber."

Goodbye Kiss

Walter arrived at his office late one morning and was greeted with giggles from the receptionist.

"What are you laughing at?" asked Walter.

"There's a big black smudge on your face," said the girl.

"Oh, that!" said Walter. "That's easy to explain. I saw my wife off on a month's vacation this morning. I took her to the station and kissed her goodbye."

"But what about the smudge?"

"As soon as she got on board, I ran up and kissed the engine!"