A mother skunk was always in a panic because she couldn't keep track of her two tiny ones. One was named Out and the other In. When Out was in, In was out. One day she saw Out but couldn't find In. She told Out to go out and bring In in. In about twenty seconds, Out brought In in. Surprised, the mother skunk asked, "How did you find him so fast?" The tiny skunk answered, "It was easy...In stinct!"
Boss: Why were you late for work this morning?
Employee: I overslept.
Boss: You mean you sleep at home as well?
During a county-wide drive to round up all unlicensed dogs, a patrolman signaled a car to pull over to the curb.
When the driver asked why he had been stopped, the officer pointed to the big dog sitting on the seat beside him.
"Does your dog have a license"? he asked.
"Oh, no," the man said. "He doesn't need one. I always do the driving."
Three women, obviously old friends, had just finished having dinner at the table next to me. When the waiter came with the bill, one said, "Give it to me."
"No. You got it last time," said another. "It's my turn."
The waiter stood there, unsure of what to do -- until the third woman said, "I'm the biggest tipper."
He handed her the check.