Back at my high school for our tenth reunion, I met my old coach. Walking through the gym, we came upon a plaque on which I was still listed as the record holder for the longest football throw.
Noticing my surprise, the coach said, "That record will stand forever."
I was about to make some modest disclaimer that records exist to be broken, when he added, "We stopped holding that event years ago."
A man visited a psychiatrist to talk about his dreams. "Every night," the man said, "I dream that these three hideous monsters are sitting on the edge of my bed, ready to attack me."
"Hmmm," said the doctor. "I feel sure I can cure you of this problem. But the treatment will cost you somewhere between twenty- five and thirty thousand dollars."
"Thirty thousand dollars!" the man gasped. "Never mind getting rid of the monsters, Doctor. I think I'll go home and try to make friends with them!"
A priest and a minister are standing by the road, pounding a sign into the ground. The sign reads:
"The End is Near! Turn Yourself Around Now Before It's Too Late!"
A car speeds past them, the driver yelling, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"
There is the sound of screeching tires followed by a big splash.
The priest turns to the minister and asks, "Do you think the sign should just say 'Bridge Out'"?