Potty Trained

While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom.

With dismay, I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors.

"Just a minute," I said, thinking of a quick solution. "I'll put down newspapers."

"It's all right, lady," he responded. "I'm already trained."

Bad Luck

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"

"What, dear," she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you're bad luck."

Enlisting

Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"

"My father said it'd be a good idea, sir."

Oh? And what does your father do?"

His in the Army Sir.