ImagePatient
A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."
Wrong diagnoses
Interview During the course of being interviewed by the press, the noted doctor was asked by a reporter: "Doctor, did you ever make a serious mistake?" "Yes, was the reply, "I once cured a millionaire in three visits!"
Dial 911
A woman who called up the fire department and said, "Look, I've just had a new rock garden built and I've just planted some new roses, and.." The fireman said, "Where's the fire?" She said, "I've just spent a lot of money having my lawn mowed and my hedges clipped. Some of my new plants are very expensive..." He said, "Look, lady, you don't want the fire department, you want a flower shop." She said, "No, I don't. The house next door is on fire, and I don't want you clumsy fireman stomping all over my garden when you come over."