Out of Work

The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her now ex-husband. They were discussing government cost cuts they had recently read about in the paper.

"Honey," his wife said, while reading the newspaper, "it looks like our government is going to cut overhead and trim down the military forces. They are going to retire six overaged destroyers."

To which the husband replies, "Oh, I'm sorry to hear your mother will be out of work."

Pay Attention

Hannah was spending the night with her grandparents. At bath-time Hannah asked her grandmother if they were going to church the next morning. When Grandma said yes, Hannah turned up her nose and said, "I don't like Sunday school."

"But Hannah," Grandma replied, "we should learn all we can about God."

"I learned all about that when we lived in Illinois."

"Well, I've been going to church all my life and I haven't learned everything about God," Grandma said.

"Maybe you weren't paying attention."

Who told you?

A fellow was driving home down a winding country road on a foggy night when he hit a pig.  He pulled the poor critter to the side of the road and then looked around for a farmhouse where he could report the accident.  But he couldn't see anything in the fog, so he drove home.

Shortly after he arrived home, the doorbell rang.  When he opened the door, there stood a highway patrolman who asked, "Were you driving on Route 180 a few minutes ago?"

The man nodded. "Did you hit something in the road?" the patrolman inquired.

"Yes," the man confessed.  "I hit a pig."

"Don't you know it's illegal to injure an animal and not report it to the owner?" the patrolman said.

The man nodded again.  "Because of the fog, I couldn't find a nearby farmhouse where I could report it," he explained.  "By the way, how did you find out about it?"

"The pig squealed," the officer replied.