Cartoon

 
Nine Out of Ten

I was meeting a friend in a bar and as I went in, I noticed two pretty girls looking at me.

"Nine," I heard one whisper as I passed.

Feeling pleased with myself, I swaggered over to my buddy and told him a girl had just rated me a nine out of ten.

"I don't want to ruin it for you," he said, "but when I walked in, they were speaking German."

Late Rent

Walpole had lived in his loft for six months and by now, it was filled with the paintings he had created. He worked day and night, stopping only occasionally for something to eat. He thought little about food and less about sleep. But what he thought about least of all was his rent.

As a result, his landlord now stood before him, demanding the three months rent Walpole owed on the loft.

"Give me a couple of weeks," Walpole pleaded. "I know I'm on the verge of making some sales."

"Absolutely not," the landlord said. "You gave me that story last month. You won't get another day's credit from me."

"Look," Walpole said, "think of it as an investment. Someday this loft will be famous and you'll be able to charge a fortune for it. In a few years, people will come into this disgusting loft and whisper, 'Walpole used to paint here.'"

"Pay your rent now," the landlord said, "or they'll be able to say it tomorrow morning!"

Dispensary Army doctor to recruit: "Did the injury occur when you were on the football team?" Recruit: "No, Sir, It happened when the football team was on me."

The Great Escape

A convicted felon was given ten years without parole for his latest crime. After two years in jail, he managed to escape. His escape was the lead item on the six o'clock news.

Because he had to be careful, he worked his way home taking little traveled routes, running across deserted fields and taking every precaution he could think of.

Eventually, he arrived at his house and he rang the door bell.

His wife opened the door and bellowed at him, "You good for nothing bum! Where have you been? You escaped over 12 hours ago!"