Nine Out of Ten
I was meeting a friend in a bar and as I went in, I noticed two pretty girls looking at me.
"Nine," I heard one whisper as I passed.
Feeling pleased with myself, I swaggered over to my buddy and told him a girl had just rated me a nine out of ten.
"I don't want to ruin it for you," he said, "but when I walked in, they were speaking German."
result, his landlord now stood before him, demanding the three months rent
me a couple of weeks,"
"Absolutely not," the landlord said. "You gave me that story last month. You won't get another day's credit from me."
"Pay your rent now," the landlord said, "or they'll be able to say it tomorrow morning!"
Dispensary Army doctor to recruit: "Did the injury occur when you were on the football team?" Recruit: "No, Sir, It happened when the football team was on me."
The Great Escape
A convicted felon was given ten years without parole for his latest crime. After two years in jail, he managed to escape. His escape was the lead item on the six o'clock news.
Because he had to be careful, he worked his way home taking little traveled routes, running across deserted fields and taking every precaution he could think of.
Eventually, he arrived at his house and he rang the door bell.
His wife opened the door and bellowed at him, "You good for nothing bum! Where have you been? You escaped over 12 hours ago!"