New TV

My sister gave me a 13" TV for my birthday. She had gotten it for free when she bought a used console TV for the living room.

The original owners said they didn't use the 13" TV much, because it would shut off after awhile. After checking out the on-screen menu features, I found there was a sleep timer set for 90 minutes!

Like a Horse

A mother said to her daughter at the dinner table, "It's very nice that you set the table for our guests, but you didn't put a knife and fork at Reverend Smith's place."

"He doesn't need them. Daddy always says he eats like a horse."

"Class Attendance"

It used to be that it was required that in order for a college student to receive credit for a particular course, a card that listed his or her courses had to be signed by the instructor/lecturer. It was, at the time, policy that students attend their courses. But depending on the size of the class, it was often quite possible to receive credit, even after not attending the class regularly.

Not so, with this physics professor. If he didn't recognize you, you would have to repeat the course. On one occasion, a student handed his card to be signed. The professor looked at the name, then at the student, and said, "I've never seen you in my class," and handed back the card.

Now being a science student, he naturally thought quickly, and proceeded to the end of the line. When he was at the front again, he handed his card to the professor. The professor looked at the name, then at the student, and said, "You look familiar.
Okay," and signed the card.