I Plead Guilty
After a trial had been going on for three days, Finley, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge's bench. "Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from innocent to guilty on the charges."
The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. "If you're guilty, why didn't you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience?" he demanded.
Finley looked up wide-eyed and stated, "Well, when the trial started, I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all of the evidence against me."
"I Hope I'm Sick"
A fellow was sitting in the doctor's waiting room, and said to himself every so often, "Boy, I hope I'm sick!"
After about the fifth or sixth time, the receptionist couldn't stand it any longer, and asked, "Why in the world would you want to be sick, Mr. Jones?"
The man replied, "I'd hate to be well and feel like this."
After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50.
"That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.
"That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.
"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."The clerk handed him a mirror.