A dog walks into a bar and says, "Hey, guess what! I'm a talking dog. Ever seen a talking dog before? I doubt it! So, how about a free drink for the talking dog?"
The bartender answers, "Sure, why not? The toilet's right around the corner."
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
One boy raised his hand. "How much for a season pass?"
Son: I can't go to school today.
Father: Why not ?
Son: I don't feel well
Father: Where don't you feel well ?
Son: In school !
~ ~ ~
Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you ?
Pupil: Not very much !
Father: I hear you skipped school to play football
Son: No I didn't, and I have the fish to prove it !
Father: How do you like going to school ?
Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I'm not too keen on the time in-between !