A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true??" she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious my condition is because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'!"
A father and son were riding in their truck together one day and the son asked the father, "Dad, how high can you count?"
The father replied, "Well, I don't know, son -- how high can you count?"
The son immediately replied, "One thousand, five hundred, forty-two."
The father said, "Why did you stop?"
The son shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well, church was over."
After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: "Honey, we've finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for way back in 2000."
"You mean a brand-new Mercedes?" she asked eagerly.
"No," he replies, "a 2000 Mercedes."