Recently in traffic court, a man who received an expensive parking ticket testified that a uniformed policeman had given his okay for the man to park there.
The judge asked the man if he would recognize the officer if he ever saw him again, and the man replied that he would.
The judge then said, "Good. When you see the officer again, tell him he owes you R 550. Next."
Q: How many successful parachute jumps must a paratrooper make before he graduates?
A: All of them.
Doctors Say The Darndest Things
The following quotes were allegedly taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians:
By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling better.
On the second day, the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
The patient refused an autopsy.
The patient has no past history of suicides.
The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
The patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
She is numb from the toes down.
The skin was moist and dry.
When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.