The problem with political jokes is they get elected. (Henry Cate, VII)
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. (Aesop)
If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven. (Will Rogers)
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build bridges even where there is no river. (Nikita Khrushchev)
Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. (Author unknown)
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more and to tunnel. ( John Quinton)
A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. (Tex Guinan)
I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. (Charles de Gaulle)
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. (Doug Larson)
Yellowstone Tourist: "Look at all those big rocks! Wherever did they come from?"
Yellowstone Guide: "The glaciers brought them down."
Tourist (cluelessly): "But where are the glaciers?"
Guide (wearily): "The glaciers ... have gone back for more rocks."
The Confused Samaritan
A man was beaten up by robbers on a road to London. He lay there, half dead and in bad shape.
A Vicar came along, saw him and passed by on the other side.
Next, a monk came by but also walked quickly on the other side.
Finally, a social worker came along, looked at the man and said "Whoever did this needs help!"