280813Talking Horse

A jogger, running down a country road, is startled as a horse yells at him,

"Hey! Come over here, buddy!" The jogger is stunned, but runs over to the fence where the horse is standing and asks, "Are you talking to me???"

The horse replies, "Sure am! Listen, I've got a problem. I won the Durban July a few years ago, but then this farmer bought me, and now all I do is pull a plow. I'm sick of it. Why don't you run up to the house and offer him R50,000 to buy me? I'll make you some real money, 'cause I can still run."

Dollar signs go off in the jogger's head. So he runs up to the farmhouse, where he finds the old farmer sitting on the porch.

The jogger says, "Say, old man, I'll give you R50,000 for that old, broken-down nag you've got out in the field."

Says the farmer, "Son, I know what you are thinking, but you can't believe everything you hear. He's never even been to Durban."

Do You Have a Life?

Have you ever been embarrassed by misunderstanding something somebody said?

It happened to me a few days ago.

I was on a public bus. I was bored, so I was playing Tetris on my cell phone. An elderly woman was sitting across from me, and I heard her ask, "Do you have a life?"

I guessed she was making a snide remark about my not having anything better to do on the bus than to play a silly little game on an electronic device, but I didn't dare use a snide response. So I just said, "Yes, I do."

Then she responded, "Where is it?"

I supposed that this was either an odd way to articulate her disbelief in my having a life, or some weird sort of philosophical catechism regarding life. I had trouble answering, but I said, "Uh ... that's a hard question to answer. It isn't a physical object of which you can pinpoint the location." I didn't say much more about it, because I didn't want to get into a religious discussion of the location of life with her.

Then she replied in the way I least expected, "Yeah, whatever. Can I borrow it for a sec?"

I thought it was extremely odd for her to ask to borrow my life. It also piqued my curiosity about her intentions. So I said, "Er ... how would you propose I do that?"

"Look, just give it to me, I'll use it for a little bit and give it back to you."

I figured that before she chanted some incantation directing spirits to temporarily donate my life, I would at least find out why she wanted my life. So I ask just that, "What do you want my life for?"

She gave me a puzzled look.

From our following discourse, which I do not remember very well, I found out that she was actually asking me if I had a cigarette lighter. ("Do you have a light?")

I can only imagine how odd my responses seemed to her.