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Golfing Nun

A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior, chatting.

"I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it."

"When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder.

"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250m, but it struck a phone line that's hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 85m."

'Is that when you swore?'

"No, Mother," says the nun.  "After that a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away."

"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior again.

"Well, no." says the nun.  "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!"

"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun.

"No, not yet.  As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball."

"Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient.

"No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about 30cm from the hole."

The two nuns were silent for a moment.

Then Mother Superior sighed and asked, "You missed the putt, didn't you?"

Men Shopping

A wife asked her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me? Buy one carton of milk. And, if they have avocados, get 6."

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy SIX cartons of milk?"

He replied, "Because they did have avocados.”