Borrowing Dad’s car
A teenager was always asking his father if he could borrow the family car.
Pushed to the limit, the father asked his son why he thought God had given him two feet.
Without hesitation, the son replied, "That's easy, one for the clutch and one for the accelerator."
The youth director had been trying for months to get the little boy down the street to come to church to be with his third grade Sunday school class.
Finally after talking to the boy and his mother for what seemed to be the hundredth time the boy finally agreed to go this next Sunday, which he did and seemed to enjoy all of the proceedings except as the baptismal service began he ran out the back door and ran all the way home. His mother asked him why he ran home instead of riding with the youth minister.
The little boy answered, "Its all a racket, They get you there and let you make all those nice things and tell you great stories just to get you relaxed so they can drown you at the end of one of the services."
My old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs, cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.