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Sleeping Juror

A lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination when he stopped and said: "Your honor, one of the jurors is asleep!"

The judge replied: "You put him to sleep; you wake him up."

Inheritance

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to get married so he could share his fortune.

One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die and I will inherit R200 million."

Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Tight Shoes

A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes.

"How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.

"Well ... they feel a bit tight." replies the man.

The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the mans feet.

"Try pulling out on the tongue." offers the clerk.

"Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth." He says.