A man dies. Of course, St. Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter says, "Here's how it works. You need 100 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you've done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in."
"Okay," the man says, "I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, even in my heart.
"That's wonderful," says St. Peter, "that's worth three points!"
Bark worse that Bite
The story is told about a man who was met by a barking dog. The owner assured him: "Don't worry. Don't you know the proverb that a barking dog does not bite?" The trembling man said: "Yes, I know the proverb. You know the proverb, but, does your dog know the proverb?"
Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at four forty four a.m. by his ringing telephone. . . "Your dog's barking, and it's keeping me awake," said an angry voice...