Working at the Zoo
A guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo. As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide.
The zoo tells the guy that they'll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorilla's skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo.
Well, the guy has his doubts, but he needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage.
The people all cheer to see...

Read more: Working at the Zoo / Watching Football / "Intolerance"

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At 99
When a grandmother was in her late eighties, she decided to move to Israel. As part of the preparations, she went to see her doctor and get all her charts. The doctor asked her how she was doing, so she gave him the litany of complaints - this hurts, that's stiff, I'm tired and slower, etc.
He responded with, "Mrs. Siegel, you have to expect things to start deteriorating. After all, who wants to live to 100?"
The grandmother looked him straight in the eye and replied, "Anyone who's...

Read more: At 99 / Charm School 101 / Directions