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Best Present

"Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for my birthday," little Joshua said to his uncle. "It's the best present I ever got."

"That's great," said his uncle. "Do you know how to play it?"

"Oh, I don't play it," the little fellow replied. "My mom gives me a R10 a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me R50 a week not to play it at night!"

Exercise Insights

It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at R 5000 per month.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we don't know where on earth she is!

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I don't exercise at all. If God meant for us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up on our body.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

I don't jog, it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

What does your daddy do?

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy.

"Tommy," replied the second.

"My daddy's an accountant. What does your daddy do for a living?" asked Billy.

Tommy replied, "My daddy's a lawyer."

"Honest?" asked Billy.

"No, just the regular kind," replied Tommy.