Silence in church
A Sunday School teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
Do it yourself
Late one night, van der Merwe saw a sign on an office building. It said: "Press bell for night watchman." So Van pressed the bell.
After several minutes the night watchman could be heard clomping down the stairs. He unlocked the gate, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.
"Well," he snarled at van der Merwe, "what do you want?"
"I just wanted to know why you can't press the bell yourself."
I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night and I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
"This is the 21st century, old man," he said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPhone."
I can tell you, that fly never knew what hit it!