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If You'll Be Quiet

It was a hectic day of running errands with my wife and son.

As if the stress weren't enough, four-year-old Christopher insisted on asking questions about everything, told me how to drive better, and sang every song he knew.

Finally, fed up with the incessant chatter, I made him an offer: "Christopher, if you'll be quiet for just a few minutes, I'll give you a 50c." It worked.

But when we stopped for lunch, I unknowingly began to harp on him. "Christopher, sit up straight ... don't spill your drink ... don't talk with your mouth full."

Finally he said seriously, "Dad, if you'll be quiet for just a few minutes, I'll give you 50c."

Christening Champagne

When we moved into our new home, the first one we owned rather than rented, two of my husband's friends gave him a bottle of champagne.

In the hustle and bustle of getting settled, the gift was tucked away and temporarily forgotten.

Three months later we held a Christening party for our third child.

Champagne flowed in celebration until, running short, we remembered our housewarming gift.

In front of our guests, I opened the attached card and read it aloud, "Donald, take good care of this one, it's yours!"

Optimist

Did you hear about the optimist who managed to fall off the top of the Empire State Building? As he passed each floor he was heard yelling, "So far so good!"

Troublemakers

After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another.

The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained 4 new families."

The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained 6 new families."

The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!