On a U.S. cruiser the officer of the deck asked the starboard lookout, "What would you do if a sailor was washed overboard?"
"I'd yell 'Man overboard,'" answered the lookout snappily.
"Good," said the officer. "Now what would you do if an officer fell overboard?"
The lookout asked, "Which one, sir?"
To enforce the ban against exporting myna birds, the State trained lions to guard its frontiers.
One day two smugglers tried to sneak a mynah bird out of the country while the border lions were sleeping. But the lions woke up and captured the smugglers, who were accused of:
Transporting mynas across state lions."
An guy was visiting Oxford University for the first time. He stopped a passing Oxford don and asked, "Excuse me, can you tell me if that's Trinity College I'm looking at?"
The don sneered, "You are probably unaware that you have just ended your sentence with a preposition. You may wish to rephrase your question."
The guy thought for a moment and said,
"Can you tell me if that's Trinity College I'm looking at, YOU JERK!"