After a recent college basketball game, the coach spotted a cell phone lying on the floor.
He picked it up and handed it to one of the referees, saying, "Here's your phone."
"What makes you think it's mine?" the ref asked.
"Easy," the coach replied. "It says you missed 13 calls."
A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming.
She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child."
"Please forgive me," responded the underclassman. "I didn't realize you were pregnant."
"I take music pretty seriously. This scar on my wrist, do you know what that's from? I heard the Bee Gees were getting back together again."
When my wife quit work to take care of our new baby daughter, countless hours of peek-a-boo and other games slowly took their toll.
One evening she smacked her bare toes on the corner of a dresser and, grabbing her foot, sank to the floor. I rushed to her side and asked where it hurt.
She looked at me through tear-filled eyes and managed to moan, "It's the piggy that ate roast beef."
Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside.
One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't see us or recognize my pickup."
The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make. God knows we're in here...and he's the only one who counts."
The first deacon countered, "But God won't tell my wife.”