Scared vs. Apprehension
As a sergeant in a parachute regiment, I took part in several night-time exercises. Once, I was seated next to a lieutenant fresh from jump school.
He was quiet and looked a bit pale, so I struck up a conversation. "Scared, lieutenant?" I asked.
He replied, "No, just a bit apprehensive."
I asked, "What's the difference?"
He replied, "That means I'm scared, but with a university education."
The boss rewarded a long-time employee by granting him two months of vacation with full pay. The employee astonished everyone by turning down the offer! Later, a close friend asked him why he had done such a thing.
"Two reasons," said the employee. "First, I was worried that my absence for so long might have a negative impact on the business. Second, I was afraid that it might NOT have a negative impact!"
Young couples department
Within a year, our Young Couples Department at church had grown from one class of eight active couples to four classes with 56 active couples!
On Baby Dedication Sunday that year, we had 19 babies! Our Pastor was so excited. He stood in the pulpit that Sunday with 19 babies and their parents facing him. He wanted to brag on these couples and the great job that they had done growing this Young Couples Department. However, here's what he actually said: "Just look at ALL these babies! Folks, this just goes to show what our young couples have been doing!!!"
The laughter started and continued for several minutes. Every time the pastor tried to say something, the laughter would begin again. Finally, the red-faced pastor added, "For which we are grateful."