There you have it
It was Palm Sunday but because of a sore throat, 5-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter.
When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm fronds. Johnny asked them what they were for.
"People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by," his father told him.
"Wouldn't you know it," Johnny fumed, "the one Sunday I don't go and He shows up."
"You've Been Promoted"
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said "You've been promoted," and I swerved.
Then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again,"and I swerved again.
He rang up a third time and said "You're managing director," and I crashed into a tree. A policeman came up and said "What happened to you?"
I said "I careered off the road."
An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning until night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began harassing him again. Complain, nag, nag. It just went on and on.
All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet, caught her smack in the back of the head. It killed her dead on the spot.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd when a woman mourner would approach the old farmer. He would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement, but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.
So, after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.
The old farmer said, "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement."
"And what about the men"? the minister asked.
"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."