A farmer was hoping to renovate his old barn and called a carpenter in for an estimate.
"Well, George," the carpenter began after he had looked it all over,"It's like this. If I were you, I'd tear down that old barn."
"Why's that Harry?"
"George, to tell the truth, the only reason that barn hasn't fallen down yet is because those termites are holding hands!"
The stockbroker's secretary answered his phone one morning.
"I'm sorry," she said, "Mr. Bradford's on another line."
"This is Mr. Ingram's office," the caller said. "We'd like to know if he's bullish or bearish right now."
"He's talking to his wife," the secretary replied. "Right now I'd say he's sheepish."
Ski Lift Trouble
A man went on a ski trip and was knocked unconscious by the chair lift. He called his insurance company from the hospital, but it refused to cover his injury.
"Why is the injury not covered"? he asked.
"You got hit in the head by a chair lift," the insurance rep said. "That makes you an idiot and we consider that a pre-existing condition."