Round Trip Ticket
A friend of mine walked into up to an airport ticket counter and asked to buy a round trip ticket. "Where to?" Asked the smiling ticket agent. My friend rolled his eyes and said, "Duh, back here!"
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, '13....13....13.'
The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on.....Some jerk poked me in the eye with a stick!
Then they all started shouting '14....14....14'...
"We are prepared to say a prayer for the shortcomings of members of this congregation," the minister told his seated listeners. "Is there anyone who would like us to do that for them?" "Me," said the wealthiest member. "I'm a spendthrift and I throw money around like crazy." "So be it," said the minister. "We will pray fervently for our brother…but we'll wait until after the collection plate is passed."