ImageRepeat Offender
 The judge scowled down at a repeat offender before him. "Haven't I seen you in here many times already? And didn't I tell you that I never wanted to see you in here again?"
"Yes, Your Honor," the defendant replied. "That's exactly what I told the police officer, but he insisted I come in anyway!"
Being Polite
While I was working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her shot.
"NO! NO! NO!" she screamed.
"Lizzie," her mother scolded. "That's not polite behavior."
At that, the girl yelled even louder, "NO, THANK YOU! NO, THANK YOU!"
Chair Philosophy
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"