Read Me a Story
A man walks into a Chinese restaurant and waits at the bar for his table. He says to the bartender, "Give me a Stoli with a twist."
The bartender smiles and says, "Once upon time, there were four little pigs..."
Mr. Schwartz was the oldest of 7 children, so he had to quit school and work to help support his younger brothers and sisters. He never learned to read, so when he married and started a checking account, he signed his checks simply "XX".
Eventually he started his own business, which immediately prospered.
He soon was a very rich man. One day, he got a call from his bank. "Mr. Schwartz," said the banker, "I need to ask you about this check. We weren't sure you had really signed it. All these years you've been signing your checks 'XX', but we just got one that was signed with three XXX's..."
Mr. Schwartz answered, "No problem, my friend. It's just that since I've become so wealthy, my wife thought I ought to have a middle name."
Hygiene is in the eye of the beholder, I've decided. While waiting for my lunch, I watched the woman in the sandwich shop spreading mayonnaise on my bread and noticed part of her grubby work shirt was dragging across it.
"Excuse me," I ventured. "Your sleeve is in the mayo."
"No problem," she reassured me. "I need to wash it anyway."