CartoonsNot Sure

"I thought I told you to keep an eye on your cousin," the mother said. "Where is he?" "Well," her son replied thoughtfully, "if he knows as much about canoeing as he thinks he does, he's out canoeing. If he knows as little as I think he does, he's out swimming."

A Shocking Experience

A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed. "Have you any last requests? asked the chaplain. "Yes," replied the murderer. "Will you hold my hand?"

Aging pains

An old man limped into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, my knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!" The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused and then said, "Sir, how old are you?" "I'm 98," the man announced proudly. The doctor just sighed, and looked at him again. Finally he said, "Sir, I'm sorry. I mean, just look at you. You are almost one hundred years old, and you're complaining that your knee hurts? Well, what did you expect?" The old man said, "Well, my other knee is 98 years old too, and it doesn't hurt!"

General Math

A teacher was explaining subtraction to the kids in her class. 'You have 10 fingers. If you take away three, what would you have?' Little Timmy spoke up, 'No music lessons.'