"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest."
Need An Umbrella?
The man had finally got around to taking all the broken umbrellas to the repair shop. Next morning on his way to his office, when he got up to leave the street car, he absentmindedly laid hold of the umbrella belonging to the woman beside him, for he was in the habit of carrying one. The woman cried "Stop! Thief!", grabbed her umbrella back and embarrassed the poor man no end! That same day, he stopped at the repair shop, and received all eight of his umbrellas duly restored. As he entered the street car, with the unwrapped umbrellas tucked under his arm, he was horrified to behold, glaring at him, the lady of his morning's misadventure. Her voice came to him charged with a withering scorn: "Had a good day, didn't you.
Calling In Sick
The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Kelly (name changed to protect the guilty), deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself. This is the actual conversation of the telephone call. Kelly: "Hi, I'm calling to report that Kelly so-and-so is unable to make it to school today because she is ill. Secretary at high school: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling?" Kelly: "This is my mother."
"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.