"If houseplants ever take over the world, I'm probably going to  be sitting in shackles at their version of the Nuremberg trials."




House Call

A lady answered her front door to find a plumber standing there. "I'm here to fix the leaky pipe," he announced.

"I didn't call a plumber," said the lady.

"What?" huffed the plumber. "Aren't you Mrs. Snyder?"

The Snyders moved out of this house over a year ago," explained the lady.

"How do you like that?" grunted the plumber. "They call you up and tell you it's an emergency and then they move away!"

Bring Your References

My 17-year-old niece asked me if she could use my name as a reference on her resume, which she planned to submit to a local fast food restaurant. I agreed.

A few days later, she called and asked me to meet her at the restaurant later that afternoon. When I asked her why, she replied, "The manager wants me to come in for an interview and she told me to bring my references."

Feeding the Animals

"Mom," said the little girl, "is it alright to say you are going to water the horse when you're giving him a drink of water?"

"Yes," said her mother. "That is the correct thing to say."

"Well, then I'm going to milk the cat."